Courses of Action Re: Sleeping Commuter Slump:
1) As slumping begins, pre-reaching of one's shoulder, get up. This is the course of action if one feels the person is unclean, to remind all present of isolation in a crowd, to make point of self is all to be relied upon, or (related-ly to this last point) you are either Ayn Rand or Ralph Waldo Emerson. (Putting those two together is so crazy it just might work.)
2) As slumping begins, counter slump. Do the Sleeping Tango. The SC (Sleeping Commuter) will either awaken, buckling over too uncomfortably, or not, at which point - accept defeat and be mounted* (with head onto shoulder).
3) Cough. Continue coughing as much as necessary.
4) Accept head and enjoy accidental humanity.
5) Accept head and counter cuddle in for some symbiotic napping. Aww...symbiotic napping.
*Und jetz, der Flaschbacher:
It was one of the first true days of spring. A friend and I opted to go to the park and visit an oft-frequented by ducks pond. We puzzled over some duck eggs sitting a few feet underwater, and looked to the ducks for clarification. They looked to us - for food - but shook their bills no to our askance of sharing Great Duck Secrets.
Then it happened.
There was a mighty flapping of wings as a duck swim-flew itself across the pond, posterior dragging through water, with another duck in hot pursuit - being the Peppy to the other's Le Pew. Attack Duck spotted another off to the side, doing the silent whistle, trying to slip over to the edge un-noticed. That chase begins, and ends with a forcible mounting. This is how ducks have sex, their Polly Purity whiteness serving only as a stark reminder of the complete subjectivity of all perception? Male ducks are rapists? Female ducks don't get hot ducky sex lives?
It's so unfair. Because, because, because...it's so much cuter to imagine girlducks coyly smirking, batting ducklids, shaking hips saucily ala Mae West. Sweet Nature, you mustn't be female afterall. [Sigh.]
4 comments:
Saddy.
Also, now I don't know to explain all those ducks in garters I saw the other day.
Re: Leaning drowsy fellow commuter - Jostle using elbow. Repeat with increased vigor if necessary, perhaps including actual words like "dude, don't sleep on me." Jostling is less cool if the person is old, pregnant, or a toddler.
Re: Birds do it, bees do it - despite the unsavory and extreme degree to which it is taken, it's strangely reassuring to see a state of nature that lacks the over-fetishing of the act that pervades how humans tend to do it way too much. Also, do you think male pigeons getting ridiculously puffed up and strutting is actually attractive to female pigeons, or are the ladies so overcome by laughter at the sight that they freeze up long enough for the fella to do his business?
That explains the dirty pond.
Yes, and while the ducks aren't fetish-izing (feti-shiza!) duck sex, you just know somewhere out there, someone of our species DOES.
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