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Oh, Julius. You are one yummy orange drink.

Those Romans really knew how to name people, from the get-go with Romulus. Then ones like Marcus Aurelius. Augustus Maximus. Caligula Germanicus. Lucius Verus (rappers, I slap you for even thinking it). Cassius Severus. Titus Flavius Vespasian. Optimus Prime. Wait, not that last one. And J. Caesar...J-Cae, if you will (rappers, now you can slap me).

Then there's the girl name which will be a middle name for potential girlchild, which I saw first engraved on a building in the heart of Ancient Rome and will not here divulge. To look upon it was beautiful. It is, merely, glorious with a pinch of inspired awe.

Bush and Cheney just make me feel like we're in our very own Third Century. [Fog horn.]

Et tu? Who's going to do the revamped Police song for Julius? We can shoot the video onsite. Dibs on freakin' the columns though. That's ALL ME. [Cut to knife thrusting in slow-mo, woman's sexual-snarl face, Beyoncé trying to look stricken and beating her chest while bleating "Et tu?!" three times, heads rolling rhythmically down Senate steps, Brutus ripping off his own bling, gyrating women wearing laurel crowns in accidentally satirically inappropriate ways, Cassius and Marc Antony pole dancing on each side. Everyone is heavily sweating, and - horribly - their eyeliner is smeared.]