impossible to pick best part

In one of the greater convolutions of information passing that I've been involved, allow me to share (AP sent me this, from Dlisted, quoting Daily Candy) -

From Dlisted.com:

Daily Candy today sent out the funniest e-mail on ass bleach today. Ass bleach is always funny. This cream is from South Beach Skin Solutions and it's lightening gel for "sensitive areas." The sensitive area they are talking about is definitely your asshole, because I doubt you want to bleach your vag lips or peen head. Maybe you do? I don't know what you all are into these days.

One of the testimonials on the site is from Tran, "I bought the lighten gel and applied it on my underarm a week ago. Now I am happy to see that it really works and the skin on my underarm started to get whiter." Good try Tran! If your armpit is in your asshole, you really should seek medical attention.

Daily Candy wrote: "Van Morrison wrote the song "Brown Eyed Girl" as an endearing ode to a former love. And while some will always argue that brown eyes are classic, others are looking for a change. It has come to our attention that it is no longer acceptable for your bunghole to be, well, brown. (Yeah, we said bunghole.) And South Beach Skin Solutions has developed a lightening gel that is safe for that sensitive area (no, we have not tried it). The natural product claims to give your poopshooter "a fresher, more youthful look" by making it blend in with your natural skin tone. (Seriously?) Here's how it works: The gentle formula first exfoliates then naturally depigments and whitens the backdoor by reducing the activity of tyrosinase (an enzyme responsible for darkening) in the skin. They claim you'll see results in just a few weeks, or else you get your money back."

That e-mail really sounds like it came from my last date. Sorry folks, but my girl will remain brown-eyed. Actually, she has a little pink eye. Oh forget it! You don't need to know me...LIKE THAT.

{fini}

My mind is spinning. O! - had this writing only been seen by my fifteen-year old self...actually, considering that I thought whisperings of "pearls" (the kind people lube) were creations of my guy friends to try to sicken me, my head might've exploded from this tidbit/tuddbutt.

Still, it's leading to questions of greater meaning, like:

Are we to infer that darkness of Hole denotes aging?

Will people start getting bunglifts?