As our home internet is Acting Up, and someone's fingers were screaming, this is from May 5th's mornin':

Today I want: 1) Luka, 2) hardboiled eggs.

The eggs are in the fridge, boiled – cold and ready. Instead of salting one though and skarfing it down like usual, I’m going to revisit its eggness, more the white than the yolk though. Yolks remain a bit unsettling. Not in the mood for anything not-settling.

I’ll peel the egg and slide it over my lips, back and forth, and run it over the upper part of my right cheek bone, then down the slope to the right corner of my mouth. That’s the Appreciation Slope. Nothing’s been run down it in too long.

And that’s where missing Luka came in today. I miss his sensuality. I miss that he would’ve seen me holding the peeled hardboiled egg and known that I wanted to run it over my face but that I wasn’t doing it because I wasn’t alone, but then come over and moved my hand con egg to my skin for me, and we would’ve laughed softly, and his eyes would say ‘I love that you’re my crazy girl’ and my eyes would say ‘except that I’m not yours, only strange, and when the day would come that you’d complain over some of the strangeness then it would hurt me and the freedom would be over because I am a coward in this way.’ But he always shakes that look off. He’d just reassure me with coming into aloneness with me, and move the egg down my neck and then trade it out for his lips, hold the egg for me to bite half of, him swallowing the rest with his usual devouring way but from my fingers or lips quickly, to make me laugh. In this way, we are lovers as infants would be – before words, before outside-ness, before loss. And we never lose each other. This may be the true beauty of our times together: we know there is no end, only spaces in-between.

Eggs are perfect for this. Lovers should give each other eggs in place of rings; nothing binding, no unfilled holes, metal-hardness. They are strong when standing but can be smashed, and real ones rot if just left out. They’re messy but where life begins. Seamless until struck. Good thing to keep in mind.