VMAs: Video Music Awards or Visual Mutilation Accompanies?

We now have proof positive that it is a bad, bahhhd idea to give musical celebrities free reign of their 'expression.'

Though still mostly known as a pretty face to some [me], more than actor or musician, I really hadn't previously thought of Jared Leto as the equivalent of a gay Edward Scissorhands. Dude, don't mess with Female America's Mr. Depp. He belongs to us. Years and chasms of both talent and disorders of the ego separate the two of you. And Johnny was *acting.* [Sincere question intended on a deeper level ->] What were you doing, Jared? What WERE you doing?

The Gumby Trench That Saved Democracy
or so Beyonce's stylist (Mrs. Knowles? Is that you again?) would have us, sirens blaring, think. Or so my die-hard Beyonce friends tried to justify. The best theory even those who WILL not find fault in anything BK does could come up with was some sort of Iraq War spy mission, wherein dancers shake in tribute to soldiers...soldiers who wisely wear full-body wool in the desert - albeit in camoflaging camel-color - over the ever-breathable and cooling black vinyl dominatrix one-piece. It takes you from day to night! Sand to water! Inspector Gadget to Catwoman! We are a nation of Sexy F*ckers! Hear us roar!

Um, meh. Ya, roar.

And then there was Britney. But I can't even stomach revisiting that. Please, someone, please help that girl - if only for the future of her spawn. Can't we have a live-feed intervention or something? Mental rehab? She could get a bag of Cheetos for every book she reads. There has to be something we can do. K. Fed seems to actually be her intellectual superior, and a better dresser. Now if he could just do something about his buddies. The whole 'exposed posterior' thing is so old now that we could actually do time-lapse pieces like they do to show faces over time. Wouldn't that be cool? "This was his arse in 1994, but look how much it's begun sagging over time. It really takes a downturn by 2001. Too much sun?" No. Too much moon. (Had to!)